I see clients for issues ranging from family conflict to severe depression to social anxiety. Each of these presenting problems is unique, and each issue will manifest differently in any given person. One common thread interwoven throughout the stories of every single person I see in the therapy room, however, is the monster we know and love as comparison. Undoubtedly, the tendency to compare – to others, or even to previous versions of ourselves, comes up every time a client begins doing the honest, raw, gritty work of embracing change.
I liken the comparison experience to wearing a pair of glasses every minute of the day. When you put them on, you see things differently than they actually are in reality. When wearing the comparison glasses, someone else’s story, standards, and successes become your proverbial measuring stick. You use another person to measure your own abilities, talents, gifts, and endeavors. Of course, the awful thing about the world as seen through comparison glasses is that you will never measure up to the story of another person – because their story is not yours. You are bound to experience friction and discontent when wearing the glasses, because you are ever and only aware of your difference from whomever you’re looking at. The other truth of wearing comparison glasses is that they always paint an inaccurate, grass-is-greener view of someone else’s situation. More often than not, what you see is all gain and no pain, which is never the case in reality.
My main man Teddy Roosevelt said, “Comparison is the thief of joy.” I can think of no more succinctly profound way to state one of the most evident truths I come across daily in the therapy room. The truth is, comparing our stories to those of the ones around us robs us of the unique joys of our own journey. This is why I encourage you, wherever you’re at today and whatever circumstances lie in front of you, to drop comparison (because let’s be real – it isn’t working for you). Instead, choose affirmation.
Affirmation is the voice you can always believe, because it tells you who you are – not who you are not. Think about that for a moment. Take time to identify the voices in your life that waste your energy telling you who you are not. Most of the time, these voices carry the distinct air of the lies informed by comparison. Don’t listen to them. Listen, instead, to the people and ideas that affirm you in your true identity.
Today, I dare you to have the courage to let go of this thing called comparison that is no longer serving you (and never was, if we’re being honest), and embrace affirmation in its place. Take off the glasses, and choose to see your world as it is, not as it is not.
Here’s a list of what I believe to be meaningful affirmations of identity, partnered with their counterparts of comparison myths, to be utilized in any challenge:
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| I can’t take any more pain. | My pain has served a purpose in my journey. |
Make these statements your own, and practice writing them down when you catch yourself wearing the glasses of comparison. Furthermore, I challenge you to choose to affirm others in their own journeys and watch the effect it has on both their life and yours. Generosity is always healing; as much as you may need to be affirmed in one of these simple truths today, someone you know may need the same. After all, despite what comparison would have you believe,
we are a lot more similar than we are different.