We’ve made it through the marathon of holidays we weren’t sure would ever end, and here we are in January of 2018. Congrats to us!
If these words comfort you, take the congrats. However, for some of us, congratulations do not feel in order. What you were expecting to stay in 2017 has silently drifted with you into the new year. You find that grief does not know the seasons, and it does not stay behind when we close one year and enter into the next. Grief is like that friend who keeps calling and calling when you never invited them to come to your house in the first place.
Grief is putting up as strong a fight in 2018 as it did before, so let’s fight back. As a New Year’s gift to all of you, I have documented some of my favorite grief resources to use in the upcoming year. Here are the Top 5:
Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant’s On Being Podcast Interview
In this 50-minute podcast, Sheryl Sandberg & Adam Grant introduce and summarize the book they co-authored, Option B: Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy. Sandberg shares the narrative of her own personal loss in 2015, in which her 47-year old husband unexpectedly died while they were on vacation. This listen includes useful snippets of information for the grieving, including the definition of permanence – that feeling that you will never stop feeling this way (which Grant notes is totally common, and mostly untrue) as well as resounding truths like the value of not telling someone, “It’s going to be ok,” but rather simply being present with them. If you don’t have hours to devote to an entire book, this interview is a great substitute that will still leave you with a wealth of information.
C.S. Lewis’s A Grief Observed
For those in the thick of sadness, this quick read will resonate painfully and insightfully. Lewis’s personal journal entries following the loss of his wife to cancer, A Grief Observed chronicles the most desperate cries and common thoughts of someone who has experienced profound loss of a companion. This book, while solemn and sorrowful, is an honest reflection in the heart of loss, and an assurance to anyone who has experienced this type of pain that others have felt what you feel now.
Daily Exercise
The discipline of doing something active every day very closely parallels the emotional journey of grief itself. In grieving, you will fight to move forward. You are most likely experiencing some sort of fatigue, sleep loss, and appetite change depending on how recently you lost someone. Getting out of bed, let alone taking a walk outside, can feel like a fight. But choosing to move, to live in motion, every single day is sending a message to yourself that you are moving forward. Not only this, but exercise produces endorphins (as Elle Woods taught us all), and endorphins combat stress and produce feelings of positivity in our brains, even if only temporarily. Exercise is a resource you have access to all the time and it’s completely free. Start off slow with a 10-minute walk each morning and see how you feel after a week.
While most think of DIY home decorating projects and creative recipes when they hear this word, you would be surprised at how many incredibly therapeutic resources exist within the world of Pinterest. Check out my Grief board to get started, but once you dive into this well of quotes and exercises you will quickly see that click leads to click leads to hours’ worth of printable and helpful techniques for coping with loss.
Support Groups
You knew I was going to add this one! Audio, printed text, film, and online resources are profoundly valuable, however nothing parallels the experience of shared human connection. Walking into a room full of women and knowing they have experienced the same loss as you is powerful in a way a Podcast can only faintly shadow. Wherever you are, find out what groups exist around you. If you’re in Fort Lauderdale, you already know of one group that would be happy to add you to its numbers in the New Year.
Grief puts up a pretty intense fight, but I hope you know you have resources to equip yourself with and fight back. Sometimes “fighting back” might look like just allowing yourself to feel what you’re feeling (Never forget the mantra!) and then moving onto the next daily task. Sometimes it will look like intentional time taking in information to make yourself stronger, from a book or Podcast. In meaningful moments with others, it can look like joining a network of supportive women who share your burden. Whatever resource you choose, I hope it brings you meaning where you are.
Happy 2018 to all the brave people walking into a New Year.